Love Spells

The Language of Love – Saying “Sorry” is the hardest thing to do.

LoL Saying SorryWe have all done it, reacted in anger, got the wrong end of the stick, misunderstood something or been caught out. When we have gotten “it wrong” we all feel a deep and intense reaction when we know we have hurt our partner. But how to put things right? Recover your harmony and togetherness once more.

Here are my 5 easy ways saying sorry.

Showing Regret – Show your true feelings.

To be able to sincerely show your regret will zero in on the emotional hurt that has happened. You are admitting that you recognise what you have done and feel a sense of sadness, guilt and shame for causing hurt to your lover. Showing regret gets straight to the point, takes ownership for what has happened. It doesn’t make excuses or tries to push the blame. In this way, you are expressing a deep desire and sincere commitment to rebuild and repair the feelings between you. The language of showing regret should be supported by relaxed, open body language, good eye contact and a calm demeanour which reinforces your sincerity.

Taking Responsibility – Can you admit it?
For some of us, the idea of being “shown up” embarrassed or found out triggers memories from childhood when we experienced anger/disapproval from our parents, teachers or peers. Sometimes, this is a very powerful reason not to take responsibility for what happened, we fear the rejection or letting some-one down. In turn, this negatively influences self-confidence and self-esteem. But as adults, we are better able to admit our mistakes. And by doing so, you immediately rebuild your lover’s belief in you. But when you fail to take responsibility, your lover will be left feeling as if the apology is not sincere or meaningful. However, if you say, “I was wrong” this shows your lover that you are not afraid to show your weakness. You have overcome your ego and you trust your lover and the feelings you share. You trust that they can understand and forgive and together you can settle into a deeper understanding.

Making Amends – Going the extra mile.
We all know the old saying “an eye for an eye”. The concept of “justice” is one which runs deep. And some people do need their partner to make amends for their actions. Interestingly, the offended party also want to know that their mate still loves them and what happened was not a deeper sign that the relationship is flawed.
For some of us a nice bouquet of flowers or a romantic meal out will be sufficient. But if you are unfamiliar with how your mate speaks their language of love, it may be hard to find a way to make amends. It may feel like you are “doing the time”, for a while. But if you genuinely care for your partner, a sincere apology accompanied by the reassurance that you still love your mate, plus your heartfelt intention to make amends for what happened is a great way of getting things back on tarck.

Happy Changes – We can do this!
We all know that if an apology is offered AND accepted, you must follow through by being willing to modify your behaviour to avoid the situation again. It is also important that once you have cleared the problem, it should be left there and not brought up again, in an argument or at any other time. But maintaining the harmony after a difficult challenge requires more than just words. It is better to verbalise your intentions as your lover can’t read your mind. Talk about the changes you have decided to make. Apologies without change rarely have the best outcome due to the absence of action steps to maintain the agreed changes. By showing your vulnerability and desire for change for the good of the relationship and planning those changes together, will often than not have your partner rooting for you all the way.

Invite Compassion – Believe in your partner.

At the beginning of this note I spoke about the fear of rejection when admitting a mistake. Knowing that you have failed your partner, let them down and hurt their feelings is difficult to overcome. But one of the first and best ways to re-kindle your connection is to accept that we are not perfect and that we ALL make mistakes. By inviting compassion and forgiveness we recognise our own imperfections, but most of all you believe in your partner’s ability to accept them too. When both of you understand this, it makes the act of forgiveness a healthy healing step between you. Try not to treat forgiveness lightly. It is something to be cherished and appreciated. The act of forgiveness is hard on both parties – for the person who’s asking and for the person who’s accepting, but what you both gain is trust, freedom and happiness.

If you have been worried about your relationship or want to know the answers to questions you have about your love-life, I am here to help. Visit my personal page and let me help you find the answers that you seek.
Love, Lee

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