What Makes Us Click?

What Makes Us ClickWe all obsess about Love. Whether we’re in love or out of love or trying to get back with some-one. We obsess when looking for love and when we remember lost loves.
Love is something we all want and we all look for it. But few ever really find Love and those that do, cherish it always and never ever forget it. But what makes us connect with some-one so deeply?? Why do we feel that instant “click” with some people and not with others?

In my own life, I have had some pretty amazing instantaneous connections with people. Some of which were deeply charismatic and romantic and others purely platonic. Each offered something so unique and special that I was mostly at a loss to understand how I could feel so much for some-one so quickly. It really didn’t matter at the time however. Because all I knew was that I was utterly happy and riding high on the excitement and anticipation of where it would lead.

I’m sure you have all experienced it at some stage when this “something” happens and you just click! But what is it that creates this deep sense of “knowing “with
some-one. That in a such a short space of time, you can feel so in-tune and comfortable. Through the years, I have come across many, many instances where clients have told me all about their “deep connections” to their loves. Some of which have worked very successfully and others that have not despite these deep and continuing feelings. And I get asked a lot whether these connections will work out in the future.

I have thought very seriously about what creates that unique energy which allows this spark to happen. There are 5 earthly factors that must be present for us to sense that instant connection. And I believe the Click-Factors are Openness, Vicinity, Tuned-In, Closeness and Adversity.

Openness happens very quickly in many instances when in the first few minutes you feel so comfortable that you feel immediately at ease about opening-up about yourself. The other person will know very quickly that you trust them and are willing to be “seen” in a transparent and vulnerable way. And they will also openly show their vulnerabilities as well. Revealing yourself emotionally even just a little bit, relaxes the other person so they are also willing to openly share something of themselves.

As you charm and flirt with one another in a truthful way expressing your trust and emotional transparency, it has an amazing effect on the chemistry between you triggers the deeper emotions of excitement, curiosity and desire. Obviously, there is a big difference between being openly charming and revealing wildly inappropriate information – Which is a turn-off – big time!) so be mindful here.

During that first golden hour, your mutual sense of trust builds a beautiful bridge of energy, chemistry, willingness and visibility and this combination leads to the inevitable “Click” between you. In a just a few minutes you feel like you’ve known each other for years and in less than a day you may even tell one another your secrets. Talk about in the fast-lane!

In normal circumstances this kind of emotional bond may take weeks or months. Usually we must discover a common language, get to know them and understand them more. But when you just click with some-one this process seems to be in the fast-lane and is hugely accelerated resulting in a quick-set mutual bond, that in some cases lasts a lifetime.


This x-factor is all about being in the same space or similar area. And is another vital link in creating the Click. Fate or Destiny may dictate that you are in that club or on a train that night, or you start a new job in that office bumping into that person and you fall head over heels in love with. Or you could simply discover that you live in the same area. Realising that you have easy access to one another elevates the desire to pursue them. These days I often get asked about a work colleague who has been working in close quarters or who is now in the same office space. This inevitably led to daily chit-chats and exchanges, closeness and confidentiality and eventually attraction and desire.
There is some truth to the notion of “the girl or the boy” next door. By being in some-one’s sight on a daily basis will certainly speed up the process. So, if you like
some-one and want to create a “click” make sure you get as close as you possibly can.

This click-factor is a little more subtle, but it explains why we can maintain connections and friendships even at long-distance. Being tuned-in to some-one is a little like being suspended on the time-line. It doesn’t matter how long the gaps are when you chat or face-time on the device or meet up in person. It’s like no time has passed at all and you pick up where you left off.

In long-distance romantic relationships, the key to remaining in-tune requires a little more effort. In my experience the most important factor is accessibility. Being able to communicate with your loved one without restriction. No phones being switched off or periods of silence on the airwaves. Being completely visible and able to share with your lover your daily routine at work at home and with friends. Things like how your work day went, where you have been socially, who with and what you did keeps you tuned-in and reinforces the sense of belonging and trust you have in each other. In other words, you have nothing to hide.

More often than not we are attracted to those who we can identify with. Those we have some-thing in common with. These similarities lead to a natural closeness between you and this closeness adds another level of depth to how you click. For instance you may both love going for a walk or you are both Star Trek Fans or love Indian food. During the first golden hour, we generally use small talk to look for those similarities that we can identify with. And in the process eliminate those we do not resonate with

To some of you, this factor may sound like an obstacle to clicking with some-one. But, think about it. Let’s say you are making small talk and you both discover that you were caught-up in s rail strike, by sharing and identifying in this challenge it brings a common experience to you both. The same could be said for being a disgruntled passenger at an airport, participating in a demonstration, voting for the same party, all of which may create a rapport. Have you ever started some small talk and have a gripe about work or the economy or your love-life? It seems the greater the intensity of the challenge the stronger and deeper the bond.

When I met my husband all those years ago, all five click-factors were present. We were open toward each other emotionally, lived close to each other, found that we were tuned-in to each other’s vulnerability, we both loved the sea and scuba diving and we had both been through a very nasty break-up. Every one of these links created a deep and extraordinary connection.

So, if you find yourself stuck in a long queue, waiting at an airport, sitting next to some-one on a train or a bus, or you simply bump into some-one at your local, try showing a little openness and vulnerability, you never know where it may lead.

Looking for love? Trying to relight the fire with your lover? Or trying to get your ex back? Do you want to know the answers to questions you have about your Life? I am here to help. Visit my personal page and let me help you find the answers that you seek. http://www.leevanzyl.com/category/personal-readings/

Love, Lee

One Response to “ What Makes Us Click? ”

  1. Di Riddel says:

    Hi Lee, great artical. Everything you say is so true and I have felt all those feelings with my special ones..only problem is that special feeling has made me very selective and no “clicks” have happened for me in my love life, having said that, I will never give up being aware and knowing that there is someone out there to share my life things with. Regards Di

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